This movie is the biggest waste of time I experienced all year. The marketing campaign wasn't a sales pitch it was an out right lie. I'm pretty sure there is more truth in the Shamwow and Magic Bullet commercials than the preview for this POS movie. Not only is it nothing like the trailer leads you to belive it's also slow, pointless, unentertaining and not at all artsy or whatever the hell it was going for.
Bottom line: I don't like being tricked and neither will you.
2) Splice
I'm legitimately upset with myself for forcing me to relive this atrocity. SPOILER ALERT: This is how it goes...two scientists who happen to also be a couple create a human/alien/beast baby, Adrien Brody has sex with the a fore mentioned alien beast, alien/beast TURNS INTO A MALE and RAPES HIS G/F impregnating her and killing everyone else. AND if that baby thing is destined to be screwed up enough the alien beast is made of her DNA so it's incestuous too. I walked out of the theater feeling like everyone who has been subjected to this movie needs to come together for a therapeutic dialogue. Hi I'm Desiree, and I watched Splice.
Bottom line: ^^^ Need I say more?!!!
3) The Wolfman
Vampires…werewolves…they are both the hottest thing in Hollywood these days. I’m not buying it and I don’t think I’m the only one. Anthony Hopkins is in this movie so it gets an auto 5 points, but other than his awe inspiring BAMFness this film has got nothing. It’s basically just a bunch of blood and gore (think Sweeney Todd goes wild), with a depressing ending and crappy love story. I’m all for blood and guts, but I like it to make sense with what I’m watching. Violence for violence's sake just doesn’t do it for me.
Bottom line: Skip this, an old werewolf film on the 99 cent movie rental shelf will be way more satisfying than this one.
4) The Back-Up Plan
Oh J Lo how far you have fallen. I long for the days of Maid in Manhattan and even Jenny from the Block. This movie is terrible, even for romcom standards. It relies on physical humor, which I want none of since this is about having babies. Her actions and decisions make no sense, even for a hormonal preggo, and the relationship evolution is terrible, not to mention the nearly non existent onscreen chemistry between Lopez and the guy we’ve never heard of.
Bottom line: NEXT!
5) The Last Airbender
I don't give a crap about the supposed racism in casting this movie, nothing could have saved this crap. It's boring, slow, and choppy. I do like the two main child actors who brought a lot to what they had to work with but once again, I have no idea what Shyamalan was trying to do. If only he'd stopped at The Village...
Bottom line: Don't watch this, just rent Unbreakable
. Trust, you'll thank me.
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1 comments:
The American trailer lied so much that it makes Country Strong's trailer look as if it is telling you the truth about what movie you are going to see. Except, at least with Country Strong i liked the film i got, even if i did wanna od on some pills after it ended.
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